close your eyes and let me vent. tomorrow will be a better day.

Have you ever had a "should have just let that go" moment? Well I've had plenty--must be the chinese in me, or the aries or the rooster zodiac. Today I just had another one. And while everything I said was true and I wouldn't change what I said, in the end (and I knew deep down) that no matter what it wouldn't make a difference in changing opinion & it would have been better to just ignore and move on but instead I had to serve my own selfish need to have the last word and to inflict as much hurt on the other person as they did to me. Bad I know. I'm such a brat sometimes.

And I'm not sure why, but I've always--ALWAYS--hated being told what to do. Despite my better judgement and how good the advice is I'm being told, I'll do the opposite just to try it out. This also will explain why I hate playing the piano in church (people are always telling me they wished they could play the piano so they could have my calling--well get on it then, then tell me how it is to never have any other calling in your life). I'm not a pianist that plays to be told how to play and what to play by other people--it's just not me. Also I've had to play the piano in church since I was 12 (choir, yw, primary, sacrament) and since my mom was a primary chorister I also had to play those songs at home (since I was at least 8) constantly so she could memorize and practice. So I have no hymnal or primary music book in my home because I dislike playing them. oh I'm so weird, I know. it's like how growing up I had to eat a banana if I wanted a small bowl of chips and now I can't handle eating a banana but hoard bags and bags of chips. But I'm digressing a lot. It's been a stressful week and all bitterness is coming to the forefront.

I just wish I could time travel or could recall emails, phone calls, words in general...speaking of which I just finished reading the Time Traveler's Wife. Interesting book. Very different and I liked it. Though I had nightmares of Jake time traveling and giving our furniture away in the past and me waking up to a house with no furniture in the present. But it was better than the dreams I had of vikings while I was reading about the Danes landing in England and pillaging. Though I did have a sweet sword in those dreams.

On a different note, Alex is ridiculously the cutest little boy. This morning he kept picking me wild flowers and made sure I put them in water. I love that little boy!

O.k. on to laundry and more sedate activities. tomorrow is a new day! hurray for that.