As some of you may or may not know, the future of our little Leila with us has become quite uncertain. Her birth mom claimed at the time of her pregnancy and birth that this one guy was Leila's birth father. He was unavailable to be questioned or sign his rights away so instead a search of the Virginia Putative Father's Registry was done--google it if you're curious because it just makes me mad thinking that it was pretty much a waste of time, but I'm getting ahead of myself. In a perfect world, the registry terminated, let's call him Birthfather #1, parental rights because the law says he has to step forward or register if he wants to claim his rights at least 10 days after birth or receiving notification. He obviously didn't--so exit #1.
We thought all was good and have been a happy little family of 5 working towards finalizing Leila's adoption up until about 2 weeks ago when Leila's birth mom informed us that a new guy has stepped forward claiming to be the birth father, we'll call him #2, and wanting parental rights. The birth mom claims that he is not the birth father but we're not holding our breath. Why else would he even be legally pursuing this if she hadn't at some point told him about Leila and provide reason for him to think that Leila is his biological child. Our agency is not optimistic that #2 is NOT the dad and has warned us that there is a good chance that the birth mom is apart of this as well seeing as she can only get Leila back through #2. Supposedly she hooked up with #2 while on a break from #1. That's at least what she has told us. Lovely.
Which brings us to today. We have been waiting to hear if #2 would just back off. Unfortunately he's done the opposite and filed a petition in court seeking his parental rights. Because we could not file a petition to adopt Leila before she had lived in our home for 6 months (the law in BOTH AK & VA), there's not really anything we can do to get his petition dismissed. Somehow in the registry a loophole was left for a birth father to bypass the registry all together and not be held responsible for not being around for the birth OR not even showing up until Leila was 4 months old!!!! ugh. Normally the registry law says if you have sex with a woman, you assume you could have impregnated her and thus should have registered on the off chance that she does and tries to adopt the child out. Then the registry would notify the guy if that were the case so that person could step forward if they wanted to claim their parental rights. so much for the law. stupid registry loophole. Apparently it's the "screw the family who has been loving and raising the child" loophole.
So where does this leave us. Heartbroken, mad, confused, hurt...I think I've run the gammot of emotions in a short span to the point of being numb with the exertion of it all. It now becomes a waiting game. We are now essentially just Leila's babysitters until this is all sorted out. We can't move forward with the adoption. More than likely a paternity test will be ordered and we'll have to comply. Hopefully he is wrong and #2 isn't the father. BUT If he is, then we have 2 options. 1) Fight him in court for custody. Basically an us vs. him and let the judge decide who gets her. It's costly and usually very lengthy. And it would all happen in VA which means we'd probably have to travel back and forth. 2) let her go and then her birth mom and #2 figure out custody of Leila (supposing that they haven't already agreed on something already).
Both options suck. Do I battle it out for my daughter knowing that it would cause a lot of stress and pain? That kind of stress will not be kind to a young family. But how do I just let her go without a fight and wouldn't not fighting be more painful than fighting? What kind of mother does that make me? The mom in me wants fight to the end but I have two other beautiful, loving and fantastic kids in my home. And I don't want to do anything that would cause them stress as well. They are still young enough for this to not phase them. I'm at a loss and have a nagging feeling that I'm about to lose my baby girl. How do I prepare? I know the Lord has a plan and I know that it will all eventually work out, but does it have to be so painful during the journey? Or maybe that's the sad irony, I don't know the Lord has a plan and I don't know that it will eventually work out and that's the biggest problem.
3 comments:
Oh, I am mad. This is just so wrong and I hope you decide to fight, fight, fight. You're right that God has a plan but that plan always allows for agency - BF #2 chose to waste a year when he could've prevented this situation and you can choose whether you want to fight.
Obviously I have no idea how I would handle the situation myself, I am just mad on your behalf and would love to see this all work out speedily and in your favor.
It is so hard to know what to do. Obviously they need to change the law to protect the adoptive family better. It seems that no matter what the adoptive family has no rights has to pay all the money and just be fine with taking what they can get.
You will just have to pray to find the right answer for your family.
i would fight for her. she will have a much better life with you guys than with anyone else. this is just awful. i swear, people just want to fight just to fight. do they actually WANT to be parents? maybe for a day. but thats it. then they realize how hard it is and neglect her. im praying that he isnt the father. oh man, this just blows. keep us posted.
Post a Comment